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Parenting a Child with AD/HD
Parenting a Child with AD/HD - CHADD Fact Sheet #2
Parenting a child with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, or any
disability, can be overwhelming at times. All parents sometimes feel anger,
fear, grief, frustration and fatigue while struggling to help their child.
However, parents needn’t waste limited emotional energy on self-blame. AD/HD is
a hereditary disorder, and is not caused by poor parenting or a chaotic
environment.
Although life with your child may at times seem challenging, it is important to
remember that children with AD/HD can and do succeed. As a parent, you can help
create home and school environments that improve your child’s chances for
success. The earlier you address your child’s problems, the better you can
prevent school and social failure and their associated ills ¾ conduct disorder,
delinquency, mood disorders, drug and alcohol abuse and anxiety disorders. Early
intervention is the key to maximizing positive outcomes for your child.
Being an Effective Parent
While no treatment can “cure” AD/HD, the following tips can help you be the most
effective parent possible for your child.
1. Seek up-to-date, scientifically supported information about AD/HD. There is a
great deal of information available on the diagnosis and treatment of AD/HD. Be
careful about ads claiming to “cure” AD/HD. Currently, there is no cure for this
disability. It is up to the parent to act as a good consumer and learn to
distinguish the “accurate” information from the “inaccurate.” It may even fall
to parents to help their health care professionals learn more about the
disorder. A routine task for parents of children with AD/HD is educating other
adults in your child’s life about the disorder. Relatives, teachers and
caretakers need to understand that AD/HD is neurobiological ¾ your child’s brain
works a bit differently ¾ and is not the result of too much sugar or too little
discipline. They also need to know how they can help your child meet
expectations for performance and behavior.
2. Seek a professional evaluation and treatment. When first seeking a
professional, ask questions related to the diagnosis and treatment of AD/HD. Ask
how many of their clients have the disorder. What methods will they use to
evaluate the child? What types of treatment do they support? Are they able to
evaluate for co-existing conditions that are common to AD/HD? Effective
treatment involves the use of a multimodal approach that includes an appropriate
educational program; behavior modification; parent, child and teacher education;
and sometimes counseling and medication. A thorough evaluation and assessment of
your child’s strengths and weaknesses will help you and members of your
treatment team ¾ your child’s pediatrician, a psychologist and/or psychiatrist,
and educators ¾ develop an appropriate and effective treatment plan.
3. Seek to become your child’s best advocate. You may have to represent or
protect your child’s best interest in school situations, both academic and
behavioral. You will be part of the team that determines what services and
placements your child receives in an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) or
Section 504 plan. You will need to know your child’s rights in the event of
suspension or expulsion from school. AD/HD and its associated conditions also
increase the chance that your child could come in contact with the juvenile
justice system. The more knowledge you have about your child’s rights under the
two education laws ¾ the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) and
Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act ¾ the better the chance that you will
maximize positive outcomes.
4. Seek parent training from a qualified mental health professional experienced
in AD/HD. Being a parent of a child with AD/HD can be frustrating and
exhausting. You may find that approaches which work well with your other
children do not work for your child with AD/HD. Effective parent training will
teach you strategies to change behaviors and improve your relationship with your
child. Parent training will help you learn to:
Provide clear, consistent expectations, directions and limits. Children with
AD/HD need to know exactly what others expect from them. They do not perform
well in ambiguous situations that require determining “shades of gray” or
“reading between the lines.”
Set up an effective discipline system. Parents should learn proactive discipline
methods that teach and reward appropriate behavior and respond to misbehavior
with alternatives such as “time out” or loss of privileges.
Create a behavior modification plan to change the most problematic behaviors.
Behavior charts and other behavior modification techniques will help you focus
on and address problems in systematic, effective ways. You will learn to use
behavior modification principles to reinforce positive behaviors and to
eliminate or reduce negative behaviors that create problems for your child.
Assist your child with social issues. Children with AD/HD may be rejected by
peers because of hyperactive, impulsive or aggressive behavior. Parent training
can help you assist your child in making friends and learning to work
cooperatively with others.
Identify your child’s strengths in areas such as art, computers, mechanical
ability ¾ and build upon these strengths so that your child has a sense of pride
and accomplishment. This is vital. The importance of this cannot be
underestimated.
Set aside a daily “special time” for your child. Constant negative feedback can
erode a child’s self-esteem, while a daily dose of TLC ¾ whether a special
outing or just time spent in positive interaction ¾ can help fortify your child
against assaults to self-worth.
5. Seek support for yourself. Parents can give each other information as well as
support by attending local CHADD meetings where available. Since AD/HD is highly
hereditary, many parents of children with AD/HD discover that they too have
AD/HD when their child is diagnosed. Parents with AD/HD may need the same types
of evaluation and treatment that they seek for their children. In addition,
regardless of whether a parent may or may not have AD/HD, parenting a child with
a disability is not an easy task. The constant high level of parenting required
can take a toll on even the very best parents. Seek marital counseling if
necessary. Seek counseling if you begin to feel overwhelmed or defeated.
6. Tell your child that you love and support him or her unconditionally. There
will be days when you may not believe this yourself. Those will be the days when
it is even more important that you acknowledge the difficulties your child faces
on a daily basis, and express your love. Let your child know that you will get
through the smooth and rough times together.
Suggested reading
Phelan, T. (1994). A Vital Parents’ Guide ¾ Surviving Your Adolescent ¾ How to
Manage and Let Go Of Your 13 to 18 Year Olds. Glen Ellyn, Illinois: Child
Management Inc.
Phelan, T. (1994). 1-2-3 Magic ¾ Who’s in Charge at Your House? Glen Ellyn,
Illinois: Child Management Inc.
Canter, L. (1985). Assertive Discipline ¾ Parent Resource Guide. Canter and
Associates, Inc.
Weingartner, P. (1999). ADHD Handbook for Families ¾ A Guide to Communicating
with Professionals. Washington, DC: Child and Family Press.
Clark, L. (1985). SOS! ¾ Help for Parents ¾ A Practical Guide for Handling
Common Everyday Behavior Problems. Bowling Green, KY: Parents Press.
Barkley, R. (1995). Taking Charge of ADHD ¾ The Complete Authoritative Guide for
Parents. New York: Guilford Press.
This article first appeared as CHADD Fact Sheet No.2, Spring 2000.
Need more information about AD/HD or the national organization dedicated to
helping children and adults with AD/HD succeed?
Call Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD)
at 800-233-4050,
fax (301) 306-7090
write CHADD at 8181 Professional Place, Suite 201, Landover, MD 20785
or visit our website at www.chadd.org
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